Practice What You Preach

I don’t know why, but even thinking the above words makes me groan. (Perhaps not the best thing coming from a therapist, but it’s true.) That’s not to say that I do not do my very best to hold myself accountable; perhaps the groan comes from the effort required, especially from someone whose job it is to provide “healthy” coping skills and ways to shift unsatisfying behavior patterns. I find myself, during sessions, hearing the points I make to my clients and acknowledging that I, too, could benefit from considering such things. (Then I admit it outloud and inwardly groan, for what it’s worth. Transparency.)

I guess I’m acknowledging that therapy is hard work. This isn’t groundbreaking news or even something that I haven’t said out loud to my clients. But I take very seriously the responsibility of applying the hard work to myself as well. I know that there is a joke that people who don’t want to deal with their own issues become therapists; and yes, jokes like these are often based on reality. It is significantly easier (as we all know when considering giving advice to friends) to observe someone else’s struggles and feel confident in the choices that they “should” make to help ease the conflict. (We’ll talk about shoulds another time.) While it is not my job to ever tell someone what they should or should not do, it IS my job to provide insights and tools to help them uncover what feels right for them. It would feel hypocritical to not utilize those tools myself; ignoring the fact that they will help me as well, it is truly the only way to actually understand what it is that I am asking my clients to do for themselves.

On a personal level, I know that I would not trust a therapist who has never been in therapy. And while I can intellectually acknowledge that someone can be very helpful even if he or she does not apply the same recommended standards to his or her own life, it just feels like another separation between client and therapist. If we are to build an honest and trusting relationship, I cannot expect clients to push themselves past a point where I am not also willing to go. If we are truly in this together, and I do believe we are, then it is my responsibility to commit myself to the whole process.

               Back to therapy being hard work. It really is. But it is also incredibly rewarding on many levels. And while each moment is unlikely to feel great, many moments do. There are as many laughs as there are tears; at least that’s what I aim for. And I am travelling with my clients during this journey, not only due to my responsibility as a clinician, but as a human who simply cares.